I woke up this morning with a calmness about my mind. As if something happened through the night to take me back in time. A time before the stress of love and loss; of responsibilities at cost. I dreamt of wet sands falling through the cracks of my hands, staring into darkness while standing at sea. I was wearing a mask on my face that looked like me but when I took off the mask, nothing appeared. Nothing appeared because that’s the moment I always awake, with a pacing breath and frantic sweat. Only this time my breath was calm and heart at rest. I turned to my lover, my wife, to tell her I’ve finally conquered the beast of the night that has kept her from a peaceful sleep. A sleep deprived from her for 10 long months.
I turned towards her but my body felt awkwardly light as though air kept me afloat. The sunlight didn’t feel as warm and my clothes, weightless. I turned to find her staring back at me. Already awake. Her beautiful gaze and her bright brown eyes. Her skin reflecting the golden rays of the sun. She smiled in a way I haven’t seen since the day we were married. Oh, I forgot to tell you.
Today is our anniversary.
We made it to the 1 year mark. The day no one said we’d make it to. Hell they didn’t think she’d even say “I do”. “She’s out of your league,” is what my best friend, Mike, said. Matter of fact he was even my Best Man.
“She doesn’t really love you.” “Can you trust her?” “Are you sure she’s the one?” “Y’all won’t last the year.” “You’re just too different.”
Time and time again they said we wouldn’t make it. Tried to drive a wedge between us and yet here we are. Today marks 1 whole year, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes as husband and wife. So what if we only spent 3 months dating each other before marriage. When you know. And here’s my proof. I wonder how many naysayers can talk about our love now? Look at that smile though. My God am I lucky to have her. So radiant. I can’t get over how different she looks.
“Is it done?” I hear from another mouth as she moves her lips in sync with a smile radiating from her body. I try to turn but my body doesn’t move.
“Who is that” I ask yet she says nothing.
“Who is that??” I ask again. Nothing. I move my hand to touch her and yet I can’t feel her.
“What’s going on, why can’t I touch you?!”
A shadow moves from behind the bed– it’s Mike?
“What are you doing here, Mike. How’d you get in?”
“He looks…happy”, Mike says with his sarcastic smile as he ignores me.
“Why are you talking like I’m not here. You both keep talking as if I’m not here. This isn’t funny, it’s like I’m a ghost or dead or something… wait… DEAD!? No, I can’t be dead, how else could I be moving. If I were dead I couldn’t stand up like so. SEE. I’M NOT DEAD, I’M RIGHT HERE…”
And that was when I saw it for the first time. My body lying there. Lifeless. Staring into her eyes, her smiling back in mines. Smiling at the fact that I was dead. No more sleepless nights, no more pointless fights. Then Mike leaned in for a kiss and soon as she felt his lips, she stuck him in his neck with a needle. HA!! You thought you were better than me. Thought she actually wanted you, huh. Looks like you got played, same as me.
So here we are, two men lying dead in bed. I realize now, since I’ve got so much time, that the sea of darkness from my dream was the pool of internal bleeding I probably felt from a hemorrhage of my brain. I guess she had been through my medical books in my office. Clever girl, Eve. Mighty clever indeed.
-Jamal Henderson